By W. N. P. Barbellion 1889-1919
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Extra resources for A last diary
He was so acutely alive to the imperious charm of the world in which he lived that a fit of depression, caused usually by some obstinate symptom of ill-health, which foiled his plans and fretted his temper, would melt away at a touch. The cry of a peewit, a gleam of sunshine on the hill, a phrase from a Beethoven Symphony, a line out of Francis Thompson (whose gorgeous verse inflamed his senses to a white heat of enjoyment), or a warm note of human sympathy, would transform him at once into another being.
The natural conclusion of these observations I take to be that we never know how anthropomorphic our views may really be. (Somebody else has said this somewhere, but I don't know who. ) I am naturally sceptical of all sciences and systems of philosophy. Science, of course, deals with the experienced universe, and cannot possibly ever reach ultimate truth. In philosophy I am always haunted by the suspicion that, if we only knew, we are not anywhere near being able to make even a rough guess at the truth.
I trust and believe he is a damned liar. The prospect of getting the proofs makes me horribly restless. The probability of an air raid depresses me, as I am certain the bombs will rain on the printers. Oh! do hurry up! These proofs are getting on my mind. — I'm damned ; my malignant fate has not forsaken me ; after the agreement on each side has been signed, and the book partly set up in type, the publishers ask to be relieved of their undertaking. The fact is, the reader who accepted the MS. has been combed out, and his work continued by a member of the firm, a godly man, afraid of the injury to the firm's reputation as publishers of school-books and bibles !
A last diary by W. N. P. Barbellion 1889-1919